Ben Bhraggie, Golspie

Posted by on Jul 13, 2010 in Commentary, Lavatorial Prose | One Comment
From the village of Golspie Ben Bhraggie appears to be a tiny hill, yet on climbing it I found that it is actually a respectable 1300 ft. It is dwarfed by the whopping 100 ft statue of the Duke of Sutherland that graces (or defaces) its summit. Someone has sprayed ‘Monster’ across the base of the plinth, a reference to the Duke’s role in the Highland Clearances.
A more appropriate tribute to the injustices of the Clearances than this monstrous statue is to be found in the gents toilets of Glasgow’s Lismore pub, where each of the urinals are emblazoned with the names of villains of this period, Patrick Sellar, George Granville and Colonel Fell. A plaque on the wall invites the visitor to pay their respects to these reviled individuals by hosing their names down with pish.
As far as I know this form of memorial is unique. It is surprising that more recent personalities have not been commemorated in this way, Maggie Thatcher being an obvious candidate. Now I think about it an obvious extension would be to glaze a likeness of her face onto the porcelain.
In fact why stop there? Why not enamel a picture of Thatcher’s face on the back of a toilet pan instead? With a traditional toilet one would have to take careful aim in the hope of decorating her face with a skidmark, so one of the perverted Dutch toilets with a raised, waterless inspection platform would be best for this application. It would then be a relatively simple matter to deposit one’s steaming load directly onto the target area.

1 Comment

  1. Craig W
    July 13, 2010

    In the Paramount Bar in Aberdeen they have TVs embedded in the communal urinal trough, usually showing some sport. To commemorate Rangers visiting Aberdeen years ago they showed a Rangers video, Rangers fans heard of this and next time they were up trashed the place. When I was living in Aberdeen years later they still closed the bar on matchday if Rangers were visiting.

    As far as Thatcher goes, they will have to employ a security guard at her grave, as there will be plenty ex-miners wanting to deface it. Having said that she is going good to outlive most of the ex-miners.


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